Mall Trip!
by Violinsaretheangelsofmusic
Summary: A sinister piece of dark magic from our world invades Storybrooke: a television commercial for a shopping mall. The ladies of Storybrooke demand their men to go with them to the mall.
1. The commercial

Ruby, Belle, and Mary Margaret were having a sleepover and watching television. Then suddenly, something very unusual happened during the commercial break. A picture of a large ugly building came onto the screen. "Come on down to Edison Mall Over 350 stores including Guess, Sears, Macy's, Yankee Candle, and Dilliards!"

Ruby's mouth hung open in amazement and she saw that Mary Margaret was drooling at the thought of going to such a magical place.

"Ruby... I thought that there wasn't any magic in this world." Mary Margaret breathed, nearly in tears at the thought of somewhere that seemed full of magic.

"Do you think that there any book stores?" Belle asked.

"I think I saw a sign which read 'Books-A-Million." Ruby said.

Belle shot off the sofa. "Oh my gosh! It's been so long since I have actually been in a real book store!" she screamed.


	2. WAKE UP DAVID!

Mary margaret ran upstairs to inform her husband about the wonderful place she and her friends had seen advertised on the television.

"David, wake up!" Mary screamed shrilly as she hopped on the bed. She grabbed a pillow and hit him."Huh?" he groaned groggily. His eyes opened and he laid in bed, dumbfounded.

"DAVID, RUBY BELLE AND I WERE WATCHING T.V, AND WE SAW A COMMERCIAL FOR A MAGICAL PLACE CALLED THE MALL!"

"What?" he asked, bleary eyed.

"EDISON MALL! IT LOOKS LIKE THE MOST MAGICAL PLACE ON EARTH!" Mary shrieked.

David groaned. "Go look it up on the internet and see what time it opens." he fell back asleep. The four girls gathered around the computer screen. Mary margaret found out that the mall opens at 10 a.m.

"David! It opens at 10 a.m.!"

"Okay." David groaned.

The three girls all jumped for joy. Then Mary Margaret realized that they could not cross the town line.

"Um, guys. I realized something." she mumbled.

"Yes?" Ruby asked.

"We can't cross the town line without a talisman from Mr. Gold!"


	3. The pawn shop!

The next day, Belle,Ruby, Snow White, and David walked to Mr. Gold's pawn shop. Much to their distress, Regina was standing at the counter.

"I'm telling you, Gold, I want that potion that you use to make people keep their memories so that I can cross the town line and go to the Edison Mall! I have been wearing the same boring black suits, white shirts, and haircut for 28 years, and I am tired of them!Plus, I saw an advertisement for a store called COACH which sells very beautiful purses!" Regina snapped as she folded her arms in frustration.

"But, we want to go to the mall too!" Mary margaret said.

"Fine!" Mr. Gold growled.

"you know... I think that all the men of Storybrooke probably would be bored to death at this place. It may be very dangerous for us."

Suddenly Neil and Emma walked out into the shop."Look, there is absolutely nothing dangerous about a shopping mall other than either getting very bored or spending too much money."

"Those both sound dangerous!" Mr. Gold wailed.

Belle put on a sad puppy dog face. "You could buy something for me Rumple!" she said.

Mr. Gold sighed, "Alright, I will take ALL of you to the mall. Just give me about an hour to do something."

"Can I invite Dr. Whale to go with us? I am going to need some company in case I get bored!" David asked.

"Go right ahead. In fact, everyone invite at least one other person to go with you! I don't want to have to make fifty trips to this place today! You have one hour to do this. In the meantime, I have something that I have to do!" Mr. Gold said.

He walked out of the shop. Regina tapped her foot and looked at the ceiling. "He'd better make it quick." she mumbled. "Just think of it Regina! 500 stores just waiting to be explored by us!" Mary Margaret said.

"Oh yes! And I can finally buy some floral prints, paisley shirts and skirts for once!" Regina said with a smile.

"Have a great time! I don't really care for shopping at malls." Emma mumbled. David and Ruby walked out of the shop.


	4. An unlikely alliance

Rumplestiltskin breathed a heavy sigh. He could not believe he was going to do what he was about to do, but he was desperate. He walked down to the harbor.

Captain Hook was busy cleaning his ship, the Jolly Rodger. He walked up to the ship. "Hello there Killian." he yelled. Captain hook looked up from his work and asked, "What to you want?"

"I-I need to ask a favor of you. No tricks." Rumplestiltskin said.

Killian lifted one eyebrow and asked, "You...ask me a favor?"

"Yes. See, when the curse broke, a television commercial from the outside world came into Storybrooke. It's an advertisement for a strange fairyland called Edison Mall, and all of the women including Regina were bewitched by it. They all want to go, and I have to take them. Since we know absolutely nothing about the place, I want you to go with me so that in case we are all in danger of dying of boredom...I can have one last battle with you. "

A swarthy smile stretched across his face. "Deal." He said.

David walked into the hospital. He walked into Dr. Whale's office. "Hey Victor. I need to talk with you." he said.

"Okay?" Dr. Whale asked.

"Are you busy today? I mean, the ladies of Storybrooke are begging the men to take them to a place called a shopping mall, and, well, I need company."

"Are there women there?"

"Yes! There will most likely be lots of women there! I think that this is supposed to be a magical land for women."

"I'm in!" he said.

The two walked out of the shop. Gepetto and Pinnochio were busy trying to repair the sign to the clock shop. David and Victor stopped in front of the shop. "Gepetto can I ask you a question?" David asked

"Yes!"Gepetto yelled.

"Do you want to go with us to a shopping mall that the girls have seen advertised on television?"

"Do you mean Edison mall? The one who is advertising the world's largest toy store?!" Pinnochio piped.

"The women of Storybrooke saw an advertisement for a place called Edison mall on T.V. and they all want to go there. So, Mr. Gold is going to give us all a talisman to enable us to cross the town line!"

"Yippee!" Pinnochio yelled as he jumped up and down for joy.

Gepetto, Pinnochio, Dr. Whale, and David walked back to the pawn shop. They saw Red, Granny, Regina, Rumple, Mary, Belle, Archie, Mother Superior the seven dwarves, and much to their surprise, Captain Hook standing in front of the shop waiting for Mr. Gold.

"All right, the talisman is ready!" Mr. Gold said as he emerged from the pawn shop, holding a bobble head car ornament. Emma and Henry followed behind him. While they were away from the shop, Emma had decided that it may be best for everyone if she go with them. They all got into a huge van and drove to the mall.


	5. Map Quest, Tom Tom, Or Rand McNally?

"Where is this mall?" Archie asked.

"It's in Bangkor, and it's about an hour from here." Emma replied.

"DO YOU THINK THAT WE WILL SEE STEVEN KING THERE?" Belle shrieked.

"Not likely." Emma said.

"Ye got a pirate map!" Captain Hook exclaimed as he pulled out a huge Rand Mc Nally map out of the seat pocket in front of him.

"That is not a pirate map, that's a Rand Mc Nally map. It's been in that backseat since before the invention of Mapquest and TomTom." Emma said.

"Well, I Map Quested the directions from Mr. Gold's shop to the mall!" Mary Margret said as she held up 3 pieces of paper.

"I prefer to use the Tom Tom." Emma said, pointing to the little screen that was suction cupped to the windshield.

"Turn right now. Go 32.5 miles." Tom Tom said.

"Ey, you said that the box's name was Tom Tom, but that was a lady's voice." Captain Hook said.

"It's an electronic voice which tells you what direction to go to get where you want to." Emma replied. 5 minutes into the trip, and she was already aggravated with all of the other passengers in the car.

Mr. Gold asked, "Wait, so how does the magical box know where you want to go?"

"It is only a small computer, it isn't magical! It is gets a signal from a GPS satellite. You type the destination point into the Tom Tom before you leave, and it creates a map for you."

"DANGER. DANGER." the Tom Tom said in a way that did not in any way indicate that they were in mortal danger. They drove over the town line and the small box suddenly threw sparks and shut off. Emma stopped the car.

"Why are we stopping for that woman? I'm a pirate! Don't ye trust me to be able to read a map?!" Captain Hook complained loudly.

Mary Margaret said, "You know what, Hook? She spent nearly an hour trying to program the directions to the mall into that thing, and I spent five minutes getting the directions off Map Quest!"

Captain Hook asked, "Does anyone here have a red sharpie?"

"Yes." Archie said as he handed the Captain a red marker.

Captain hook dotted lines along the streets from Storybrookk to Bangkor, then drew a huge red X over the town of Bangkor.

"Ere love! X marks the spot! I'll be orderin' directions to ye to this place so that we don't get lost!" He said as he showed the map to Emma.

Emma struggled to turn the Tom Tom back on, but was unsuccessful.

"Thank goodness it broke! We ain' in the ocean or anything, but still, I wasn't exactly comfortable taking directions from disembodied voices. I, as a pirate, know that when you are out in the see,you should never take directions from someone you can't see! It might be a siren luring you to your death by crashing into rocks or...worse!"

Emma sighed and resorted to taking directions from Mary Margaret and Captain Hook. Oddly enough, the directions that Captain Hook shouted to her were exactly the same as the ones that Mary Margaret shouted to her.


End file.
